I know it's difficult to believe but I've been eaten by a monster. I was swallowed to the pit of its belly and have stayed there for long time. It's dark, and mucky and there is no glimpse of hope; there is no light down there.
The truth there is no monster. Well, there is no literal monster. The monster described above is a metaphor for something going on in my life. Something that has consumed my life so immensely that I haven't even the slightest chance to update my main source of joy, my blog. The monster, is chemistry.
Oh how I loathe that class! I wonder why it is I decided to take Chemistry, and then I pause, take in a deep breath and scream. Why would you scream Dea? Chemistry isn't that bad! That's what you're probably saying. Well, yes. You're correct. Chemistry isn't so bad on it's own, but, I'm not in regular chemistry. I, being the idiot that I am, with all my infamous wisdom decided that you know what, I would take Chemistry AP. This means that after Chemistry 30 (which was a difficult course in itself) I would work on 35 which ends on April 11th, and then one month later I would write the AP exam in which you only have one shot, and should you fail, well it's sucks to be you because nobody on the AP board wants to see you succeed anyways. Urgh, every time I reflect on my AP decisions I feel sick. I wish I knew then what I know now.
I find it so difficult to decide my future. I thought I had it all figured out. Although I didn't factor in all the changes that I underwent. I am like the seasons, always changing. And, as cliche as that sounds, it's true. And whether I'd like to admit it or not, I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, and that scares me. I'm afraid I'm going to pick something and be unhappy. I'm afraid that I may not be able to financially support myself and my dreams by following what my heart desires. I'm afraid of letting down those around me, but most importantly myself. I'm afraid that I'm going to become a large failure and that my life will have been a waste.
There is just so much stress in my life right now. Chemistry is so stressful. We move so quickly. I will be glad when this is all over and I can ‘absolutely posetutely’ say, that I am not going into a field where sciences are heavily involved. After taking all the science routes my high school had to offer I’ve realized I really don’t enjoy it. Sure, there were some aspects from each that I enjoyed separately but nothing as a collective whole.
Recently, I’ve discovered how much I really enjoy writing. The very first thing I wanted to become was a writer, so I’ve touched back to my young roots and picked up writing again. It makes me feel happy. I love all the thrills of writing. I love the ups and downs. My brother occasionally asks me why I out so much time into this blog. He says what’s the point in putting in all that hard work when I don’t even have a large following. What he fails to comprehend is that I write this blog for myself. Yes, it’s nice to have an audience, but when the sun goes down and everyone is off to bed, this blog is about me; it’s for me, it’s an escape from reality. Although it’s ironic I say that when the majority of the things I post are about my reality! Well, nonetheless, I do enjoy it a lot. I do receive some positive feedback (some not a lot) and I’m alright with the small numbers, for you see, if I am able to touch at least one person with my writing, or inspire them in any way then I feel accomplished.
This is why I’m very excited to announce some large news!faThis blog is going under major construction (both the visuals and the content). I’m going to direct this blog for life lessons (but I will still keep a section for myself because yes, I am a narcissist and I will never let that part of me go). My visions for this blog are large. I’m also tying in other joint projects with this one and in doing so I hope to reach many people around the world. I’m very excited about Wowzapalooza’s future, and I’m also excited for mine.
And it’s been awhile since I’ve been excited for anything really, so this is a big deal and very important to me!
I've already got the pre-planning and such done, now all that's left is to give this blog a slight makeover and fill in the content.
I hope those of you who read my blog tag along for the ride, I hope that my projects can inspire you, and I hope that you in turn can inspire the world.
Here's to what's going to come.
Xx
Dea
